probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
