I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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