Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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