I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
