i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
