He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
