I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
