Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
