Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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