the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
