He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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