Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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