Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
