i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
