Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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