I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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