I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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