I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
