We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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