she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
