Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You have to summon your inner elephant
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
