I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
