if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
