So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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