Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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