You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
