Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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