im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
