I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
We got so high we made milksteak
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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