I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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