Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
