tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
