I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Dear god my vagina.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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