The maid of honor just puked.
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
