I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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