Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I supernannyed him into submission
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
