I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
