you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
