my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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