plz talk dirty to me
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
