Fuck appropriateness.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
