my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
