if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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