I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
