mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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