Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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