obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
