How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
