People in love make me want to vomit
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
