There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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