Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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